Some time in my teens I decided that, although God exists, He is not involved in human affairs. I could tell you circumstances that led me to this conclusion but they are only excuses for my willful choices. As a result of my wayward efforts to find companionship and happiness, by my twenties I was in deep despair and hopelessness. (Ephesians 2:12)
About this time, someone I knew was badly hurt in an accident. When I tried to pray for him, I was overwhelmed with shame and unable to speak. I took my father’s prayer book from the shelf and sobbed as I read the prayer of confession out loud to God, from my heart, tears streaming down my face. Then, emotionally exhausted, I went to bed. When I woke the next morning, it was as if I had been lifted from a bleak, dark space into bright light. It was joy! Within weeks I overheard a young man explaining how God forgives us because of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus and I knew it was absolutely true. (1 John 1:9, Psalm 40:2)
My destructive habits of speech and behavior quickly fell away and I had a strong desire to read the Bible. It wasn’t long before I read The Living Bible from cover to cover. Five decades later it is still my delight to find wisdom and direction in the Bible. I hope with God’s help to overcome unwanted thoughts and self-will. I have lingering shame and regret over those early dark years but I also have complete assurance of God’s forgiveness and care for me. (Romans 6:21, Hebrews 6:19-20, 10:22-23)
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