I grew up in a Christian home. My dad worked in a factory, but he was also an ordained minister who occasionally filled in for churches seeking a full-time pastor. At a young age, I understood the concept of sin and what was required to be accepted by God. Around 8 or 9 years old, I prayed and asked Jesus to come into my heart. However, I struggled to grasp how to deepen my relationship with Jesus. I attended a Christian college and faithfully went to church as an adult, but my spiritual goal during those years was merely sin avoidance – trying to get from Sunday to Sunday without a spiritual failure – which was frustratingly unfruitful.

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When I was twenty-nine I was sitting in church on a Sunday and had a powerful experience that felt like God was speaking directly to me. The words I heard were unlike anything I would say to myself. I perceived God saying to me, “Matt, I want you to get out of my house… you’re stinking the place up!” An icy chill ran down my spine – He had my full attention. He continued, “This is what your faith looks like: You pray about it, give money to promote it, defend it, argue about it, and want others to believe it. But you’ll never step out on it.” In my heart, I replied in desperation, “But, God, I don’t even know what it means to do that.” Over the next several months, I stopped attending church and began searching for ways to either deepen my faith or abandon it altogether.

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During that time, I encountered teaching that emphasized a crucial truth: “The Christian faith is not only difficult; it is impossible – apart from the empowering of the Holy Spirit, spiritual failure is guaranteed.” Despite knowing about God for most of my life, I had never been shown how to live for Him. The goal of avoiding sin from Sunday to Sunday, while noble, proved futile because I was attempting to do it in my own strength. Of course, I am far from perfect and often fail in many ways. But now I know my hope isn’t to be placed in what I can do but in what Jesus has already done.

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– Matt